this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
