I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got inside last night via doggy door
My vagina is officially offended.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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