How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
