i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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