i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
