You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
