But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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