i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
40s are totally the cure
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
