I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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