my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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