Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
