I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
