he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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