Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
