y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize