they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Houston, we have a blender
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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