what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
