I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
