Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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