i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
false alarm. still invincible.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
