haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
