I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
love makes seman taste better
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
