Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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