i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
