You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize