Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
