New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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