This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
