one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Two words: blizzard sex
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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