Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
