they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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