Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
