There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
