if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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