Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
