i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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