WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
3pm strippers are depressing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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