Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
