I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
