I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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