i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
