she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
