I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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