There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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