Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
