Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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