someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
