She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
