listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
