So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
