I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize