I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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