just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
