I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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