my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
