i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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