Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
