Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
