They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
