I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
