I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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