mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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