I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
