i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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